Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
