Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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