The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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