The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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