mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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