My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize