I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
