I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
