your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
