i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
