Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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