Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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