why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
