i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize