i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
