Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
