so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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