I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
