I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
lol hangovers are for mortals.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
