I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
