AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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