I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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