Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize