remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
