They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
