i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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