If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
