If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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