So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
