so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
