his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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