Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
