i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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