Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
