Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
