Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
