Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
