He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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