Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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