I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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