Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
