We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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