Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
