i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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