Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just threw up on my dentist
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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