Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
