Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
