I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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