You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
