he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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