end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
