The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize