Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
