So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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