I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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