Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
