did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
PANTIES FOUND
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
