then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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