Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
