If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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