Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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