She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
