I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
