i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
