oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
