Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
