im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
