I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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